The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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