tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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