The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
