In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
