i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
