Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
