I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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