she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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