i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
