...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
