i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The best revenge is premature balding
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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