Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
