Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
