so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
