Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
