You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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