you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
