She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
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This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
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Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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