just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
