Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
