did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
