I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
