My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up under a house in Key West
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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