Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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