just tell him i said nine months
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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