I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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