I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
