Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize