I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
