It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
