Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
