Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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