she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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