I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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