i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
