So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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