If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
