we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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