If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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