i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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