remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
