My underwear smells like fireworks.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
