The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize