next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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