I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Your tits are I can't wait for
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
