I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
