my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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