I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
