my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
