They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
