you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
