I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The Olympian is in my bed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
