I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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