I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
