8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
