You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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