I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
