he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
