Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
