the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
