her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
