Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
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Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
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I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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