Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
