Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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