dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
