So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
