She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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