Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
youre lurking in front of me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
