put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You left your phone here
Wait...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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