Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Randomize
