Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
