btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
